Twins and Cacti

As you may know, I am the proud mom of a set of twins. They were conceived without the use of any fertility treatments - I just happen to be one of those overly fertile people. My doctor believes I may have been pregnant with a set of twins with both my first and last pregnancy also and may have simply miscarried the other baby along the way. Anyway, I feel kinda special being in that elite group of Moms of Multiples. I like feeling unique and frankly, it just pisses me off when I hear of another celebrity having twins. I don't mind if it's one I like, but come on! Angelina Jolie (I personally believe she is ugly and I have never liked her - even before she became a home-wrecker and stole Brad from Jen - I think it was the creepy blood vials with her creepy then-husband Billy-Bob Thornton and tongue-kissing her brother on TV. Gross.) and Jennifer Lopez (she just thinks she is soooo much better than everybody else and it's not true) and I am sure there are others I am forgetting. I know how stupid it sounds, but it makes me really just want to punch them. Especially Angelina. I really hate her. Really. Wow. I think I need a new word for how much I do not like her. On the other hand, I think Jennifer Aniston could have triplets and I would be thrilled for her. So I know the whole Brad Pitt thing didn't help my opinion of her at all.

On a brighter note, the cactus is still alive! Yay! I think it might live to be a month old! Or at least a month WITH ME. And that would be an accomplishment for any plant. Only a select few have ever survived very long with me and that was usually because they were made of plastic. The other plant-with-stripey-leaves is actually still ok, too. Probably because they sit by front window and I have to look at them constantly so I am reminded of their need for water and sun.

Shoe size

So since all four of my boys are playing basketball this year, and boys' feet tend to grow at an enormously fast rate, they were all due for some new shoes. Not just any shoes, though. Real, expensive, name-brand basketball shoes. That they are only allowed to wear on the court. That are kept in their gym bag and carried into the game or practice and then the kids can change shoes once they are inside. That they put back in their bag once they are ready to go back outside. Great concept, has worked wonderfully well for years. Until this year. Somehow, we managed to lose an entire bag and the super expensive name-brand shoes inside it. Not only that, but these shoes were purchased by his father (my soon-to-be-ex) who is not so forgiving of the inevitable accidents of childhood, like losing a pair of shoes. To make matters worse, these shoes were on clearance when he bought them several weeks ago, before games began and even prior to the first practice. So I sent a different pair of shoes with him to practice on Tuesday and his father, who also happens to be coaching, noticed. Damn.

So Wednesday I began calling all over trying to locate this exact pair of shoes in the exact size we had already purchased them in so we could replace them without soon-to-be-ex ever knowing. (I think I will just start calling him STBE for "soon-to-be-ex" - any objections? - oh, wait, you have to have people who read your blog before there are even people to object... it stays!) So I find a pair (thank God) and get my mom to come over and watch the daycare kids so I can go buy them before practice on Thursday. These shoes are for my 12-year-old and when I picked them up, I realized how big they were. I mean, I know kids grow, but come on! So I decided to try them on just to see how tight they would be on my foot. And to my horror... They fit ME! And I have fairly decent size feet for a woman. I usually wear an 8 1/2 or 9 (although sometimes an 8 fits me just fine - go figure). So I got home and started looking at his shoes and THEY ALL FIT ME. So I go to my next-youngest child's shoes and THEY FIT ME TOO. He is 9. NINE and his shoes fit me. These kids are going to be giants. Soon, I am going to have to look UP when I talk to them. Half of the intimidation factor is that I am bigger and could probably kick their asses if I need to. So now I have to find something else to intimidate them with. Maybe their giant shoes?

So I told the two of them that even after basketball season is over, they are not allowed to wear their court shoes outside so that I could have them when they outgrow them. They thought I was joking. I wasn't. :)

The cactus - update #1

The cactus is still alive! Although I have been told that cacti are actually harder to keep alive than regular plants. Seriously? They live in the desert and are used to never having water and being neglected and all sorts of stuff like that. I watered it today and the instructions say to let it dry between thorough waterings so I watered the shit out of it. I let it drain in the sink and then put it back in its pretty container and set it back in the sun. So... we will see if it's still alive tomorrow or if I managed to kill it yet.

Cactus...

Well, my soon-to-be-ex husband's grandmother passed away Saturday. She was a nice lady but was in the later stages of Alzheimer's so it was kind of a blessing. She raised nine kids, including three sets of twins. She was a good source of information when I became pregnant with my twins and then later actually had to take care of them.

So since we coach our sons' basketball teams (yes, multiple sons on multiple teams means I used the punctuation correctly!) the parents went together and gave us a few plants. One of them is a nice, normal green plant with some red stripey things on the leaves. You would know what I mean if you saw it. The other one? Its a CACTUS. Really. Seriously. A cactus. I am wondering if I should take it as a compliment. Like, "Here is a plant you can't kill even if you forget to water it for an entire year." Because I love plants but they always die on me. And when its a plant I was given in remembrance of someone, I always feel REALLY EXTRA BAD when I have to then throw the plant away. Its like, "Glad you didn't have to take care of the PERSON who just died because three weeks later the thriving plant you took home is dead because you suck at taking care of things and people need A LOT more attention than plants do."

I brought the plants home Tuesday night and I brought in the stripey one but because (once again) I suck at taking care of things, I forgot about the cactus and I left it in my vehicle in the garage. I think the desert gets cold at night so maybe it will forgive me. I need a name for the cactus. So then I will remember to take care of it. Wait, scratch that. I got a free tree seedling when I bought the movie Wall-E. (Ok, I didn't buy it - I was given it. Its a stupid movie but I got a free tree.) I named the seedling Dalton and then I put it on my desk until I could plant it (the ground was frozen when he came). So, the other day, I moved my desk to vacuum and I found Dalton. He is dead. And he was an EVERGREEN TREE. So maybe the cactus should fear for its life.

I am weird...

So I was tagged in one of those special "25 Random Things About Me" notes on Facebook and decided to give it a go.  Of course, after I got done and reread it, I realized I had left several things out that would give the reader a better glimpse into my life.  The one I did include was my aversion to raw meat.  Chicken, beef, pork, whatever - I can't touch it.  I have to use gloves and even then I am terrified of some of the germs somehow still reaching my skin.  I think I need to get some of those horse-delivering-gloves that vets use so I will be protected clear up to my underarms but then I would worry that I wouldn't be able to get them off by myself.  The flip side of this that makes it REALLY weird - I love raw brownie batter.  I eat it even though I know that it has raw eggs in it.  I will EAT raw eggs (which I know full well is dangerous and germy) but I will not TOUCH raw meat with my bare hands.

I am scared of spiders.  Big time.  I have a aerosol can of spider spray in every room of my house.  I cannot kill them with a flyswatter because I am sure they will see it coming, jump out of the way and then decide to mess with me and run up the handle and onto my arm.  Which would probably give me a heart attack.  I also can't pick up the dead spider once I kill it.  I can't even vacuum it up because I am afraid I will later accidentally vacuum up something I will then have to retrieve from the bag.  And if there is a dead spider body in there, I won't be able to dig through it.  So I found a fabulous invention that picks up the spider for me.  It has probably saved my life.  More than once.

I have a thing about grammar and punctuation.  I don't get into the really fancy stuff, but when major publications do not know the correct (there, they're) or (your, you're), or even (two, too, to) to use, it makes me really insane.  I have nothing against abbreviating or even shortening words (ur=your, thx=thanks) and/or using numbers within letters (l8r=later, 2day=today) especially for text messaging since you are limited on characters but when you have a major company website or a news publication, USE PROPER ENGLISH!!!  Seriously.  Srsly.

I am not one of those people who takes a shower to relax.  I hate being cold and wet and that is exactly how I feel after a shower.  Even in the summer.  I turn up the heater and I even have a special heater fan in my bathroom for the winter and I have been known to turn off the air conditioner in the summer and open my bathroom window (it is not visible unless you are beside my neighbor's garage and its a high window) just to let in plenty of hot air so I don't have to be cold when I get out.  I take showers daily, so don't think I am gross, but I do not find them relaxing in any way.

My kids could probably tell you all sorts of strange and interesting things about me, but I will leave you with these to swallow for now.  Maybe later I will think of more oddities to add to the weird list...

Potty training the extremely unwilling & downright oppositional...

Have you ever tried to potty train a child who just doesn't want anything to do with it?  Like they are so afraid to grow up and use the toilet that they actually are repulsed by even the mere mention of the word "bathroom" and run the other way?  Ok, I would understand if he had a good reason, but he is perfectly normal three year old.  Perfectly. Normal. Except he refuses to use the toilet.  Why, you may ask?  To taunt me, I believe.  His two year old buddy is fully potty trained and I am starting to wonder if, like his mom and I have said (until now) in fun, whether or not he will be trained along side his 18 month old brother.  

I am a person who likes to see results from effort put forth.  So when I take this kid every hour on the hour to go potty and 10 minutes after we come out of the bathroom he has this blank look on his face like he might be pushing a boulder into his pull-up, and I ask him, "Do you need to go to the bathroom?," and he doesn't even respond cuz it's literally too hard to break the concentration obviously needed to birth this poop, its a little aggravating.  So the look finally disappears, and I ask him if he pooped in his pull-up, and he answers, "Yes, just like I do every day," I think I may cry.  

So I cut down on the trips to the bathroom and just have him go when the potty trained kids do (in the morning when they come, before naptime, after naptime, and before we go outside - it is quite aggravating when you finally get all 6 kids age 3 and under outside and only 2 of them can walk reliably well and then having to take them all back inside because one of them needs to use the bathroom - lesson learned more than once I must admit).  Which, back to my original topic, is still not working.  I bought this kid his favorite characters on big boy underwear, and they are sitting, still sealed, on my cabinet that holds all the daycare stuff.  I have tried rewards such as M&M's, reading a special book to him only when he sits on the toilet, and even bribing him with a toy when he is finally wearing big boy underwear all the time.  Still - no interest.

I hate it when I think I know what I am doing and I get knocked down off my little pedestal of know-it-all-ness.  I have been a mom for way too long to not know what I am doing and I firmly believe that I know everything.  So imagine how much it sucks to learn that you don't know all of everything.

I guess I deserve it.